Saturday, September 24, 2011

I would give my final breath to make you understand how beautiful you are

Beauty is one of the only things in the world that makes sense to me.  I literally cannot imagine life without it- I believe we all would go insane. That being said, I also believe it would be impossible for beauty to not exist while goodness does. But I digress...

Since beauty is one of the only things that makes sense to me, I seek it out. Amazingly enough, I see it everywhere, especially in every person I meet. (I may not see it right away. When my only experience with a person is not a pleasant one, it makes it a bit more difficult, but the fact of the matter is, no matter what their disposition, the fact that they exist is a testament to the goodness and beauty within them, even when I don't see it manifested.) Beauty is abundant, and it is overwhelmingly necessary.

What breaks my heart is, when beauty is so evident in each person, it is overlooked, forgotten, dismissed, and believed to be nonexistent. Grr.

Again, I speak on the views of society, success, and silly expectations we place on ourselves...

Society's view of beauty is so skewed... it pains me. It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder... and society needs to get its checked.

Beauty is in everything good and true. It is in the gifts we possess. It is in a smile. Laughter. The color of our eyes. The way we love, be it through hugs or simply listening to another tell their story. Beauty is even in the way we react to our situation because that speaks intimately to who we are. Beauty is in all the broken places.

Why is it so hard to see that?

Why is it so hard for people to see their own beauty? Why is it so hard to see how necessary they are?

I cannot say that I am not guilty of this. For all that I love others, I do not always see the goodness in myself, or if I do see it, I feel as though it is not enough. Who I'm making these expectations for? I'm not entirely sure. In some sense, I guess they're for me, as I desperately want to meet them, but in another entirely, I feel as though I've placed them on myself for the benefit of someone else... I don't entirely think it's for God's sake, as I know He loves me as I am... not that I don't want to be a better person, as I'm called to be.. It's a complicated state, I guess. In any case, I place expectations on myself that I cannot meet, I put walls up because I don't want others to see that I can't meet these expectations, and in the end, I lose sight of who I am and what I actually have to offer.

Which is lame because I would never do that to another person.

I would never place impossible expectations on another. So why on earth do I do that to myself? Am I really so hellbent on assuring myself that I am unlovable? That's absurd. But then I wonder if it's the same for so many others.

We live in an age where addiction, depression, self-harm, and suicide are far too common. There is an overwhelming trend of loneliness and worthlessness that has seeped into the hearts of the people... my friends and neighbors... your friends and neighbors... in the people you might not expect because they keep such a brave face. every. day.

When I come to face the magnitude of the issue, my own heart is overwhelmed. It hurts. I want to take each hurting heart and speak to it directly: You are beautiful. You are necessary. And. You. Are. So. Loved.

Maybe it sounds a little cliche. Maybe it sounds a little naive. But there you have it. Because, despite however it may sound, it remains true. I love people. I love beauty. And it just so happens that the two are inseparable.  I still cannot fathom what I am going to do for the rest of my life in terms of a "job," but I can say with certainty that my vocation is to love. I know I cannot reach everyone I wish to, but I will do my best. Every day. Even if it's only through trying to offer a hug or a smile, I'll do my best to love. I'll also do my best to support organizations who love the heart as I do. Because they can reach the ones I can't. (Love for TWLOHA!)

Dear reader,
You are amazing.
Whether or not they are known to me, you have gifts that are meant to be shared.
You have a heart that is so strong, even the times it feels weak.
You have a smile unlike anyone else's.
You are beautiful. So beautiful.
You are necessary.
And you are loved. Beyond belief.