Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Let that be *enough*

Let That Be Enough- Switchfoot

Wish I had what I needed
to be on my own
'cause I feel so defeated
and I'm feeling alone.
And it all seems so helpless
and I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
with no where to land.
And all I see, it could never make me happy
and all my sandcastles spend their time collapsing

Let me know that you hear me
let me know your touch
let me know that you love me
let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
no one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago
And I feel stuck watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needing

Let me know that you hear me
let me know your touch
let me know that you love me
let that be enough

I don't have anything particularly interesting or important to say... I've just had this song in my head and on my heart the past few days. I am still searching for answers... trying to find and understand the next path I'm supposed to take... I'm just uncertain. I'm uncertain of a lot of things. Sometimes it seems that no matter what I discover, no matter how much sense I can finally make of some things... I will always be lost. I know that's (probably) not true, but I cannot deny that I feel that way.

I am struggling to be content with what I know to be "enough." Maybe because I've defined "enough" with everything that just isn't enough. I don't know.

Still, there is beauty in every day.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

My universe will never be the same

Dear beautiful people in my life,

It's been forever and a day since I've done anything with this blog, but I wanted to say something... or a few somethings... to you.

If you have ever mattered to me, you will ALWAYS matter to me. No matter what. Whether or not we even speak anymore, you matter. You have made my life infinitely more beautiful simply by being in it.

Sometimes I take that for granted. And that's lame. I'm lame sometimes, ok?

I was re-reading a couple old journals recently, and I started remembering just how much I used to love people. Or at least how much I was aware of it. I mean, at this point, I will say that I love people, but it's not until I sit back and really *look* at a person and reflect on who they are that I realize just how much I love them. And that's pretty lame. Because I have some BEAUTIFUL people in my life, people who continue to put up with the same ups and downs, the same absurdities, the same silliness... (as for the silliness, though, I must point out that an archaic definition for the word silly is joyful and blessed... so you can't complain too much about that, right? ;) ) I am beyond blessed and beyond grateful.

Every person who has been in my life, whether the experiences have been good or bad, have helped me make it to this moment, and while I'm still a mess and so unsure of so many things, in the end, I'm glad to be here. Mess though I may be, I have people who can help me "clean up" when I let them in. I have people who challenge me and push me to grow. I have people who share in and increase my joy. I have people who help me find wisdom in every misadventure. I have people who force me to open up and be myself even when that seems utterly terrifying. But you know what? It shouldn't have to be to terrifying to let yourself be seen. So I'm grateful.

So...dear beautiful people, you are beautiful. And I love you. Heaps and buckets.